Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Equilibrium

There comes a point in your life when you are officially an adult. Suddenly you are old enough to vote,drink and engage in other adult activities. Suddenly people expect you to be responsible. As grown-ups we get taller, we get older,but do ever really grow up?Imagine you coming back from work, someone told you that all of the old traffic laws had changed forever: Red no longer meant stop and green no longer meant go. In fact, all of the signs that used to guide you were no longer valid. The old laws were gone but the new laws were yet to be written.

How would you feel and what would you think as you set out for home? Often, change happens just like that. It’s sudden, it’s quick and it disrupts our equilibrium. Whether it’s the unforeseen sale
of a company, the sudden loss of a job or the unexpected loss of a loved one, the world you once knew is gone, and it’s difficult to know whatsoever to do next. It’s frightening, because one
way we survive is by being able to predict our environment and acting accordingly. When
predictability disappears, so too does our sense of safety.
In this way, change can trigger our most basic surival instincts, and even when physical survival is not an issue, it can feel as if it is
whenever things change. This is why change is so difficult

Our known existence, whether we
liked it or not, is replaced by an unknown one,and we become fearful and disoriented, not
knowing where to turn next to find the comfort and safety we seek. Here are four tips for dealing with sudden change.

1.whatever you feel is ok. change may stir up a host of emotions, including sadness, fear and anger. There are no rules on what anyone
should feel, but everyone should feel something. If not, then emotions may be lurking beneath the surface of one’s awareness and make their presence known at the worst possible moment, perhaps emerging as an unintended sharp word or fit of anger.

2.Mourn first, then move on. In a similar vein, it’s important to mourn and move on when unwanted change hits, and in that order.

3. Demand perfect effort, not perfect results. Often, change comes in bursts, as one change
begets another. This can feel overwhelming,especially to those who weren’t involved in planning the change or otherwise didn’t see it coming. To them, change can feel particularly risky or threatening. To help reduce anxiety,leaders should demand maximum effort in
response to the change, but not perfect results. Not all of your change initiatives will turnout exactly as planned.

4. Break long-term change down into doable chunks.

In some ways we grow up, we have families,we get married, we get divorced.  But for the most part we still have thesame problems that we did when we were 15. No matter how much we get taller, grow older, we are still forever stumbling,forever wondering, forever young.

Monday, October 28, 2013

The Poverty Advantage

I asked a friend what day of the week was his favourite and he replied 'payday'.They say money can't buy happiness. l've met poor men who wanted to be rich but not a rich man who wanted to be poor. I read the holy book often but never seen where it was written be "poor and happy".

Money is the root of all evil but wasn't it created by people? Because if a farmer plants a seed and waters it he sure would take responsibility for its growth.# would you then not agree that you reap what you sow#

Money can't buy happiness neither can poverty.The shopkeeper smiles at the customer cos he sees an opportunity for a payment. Have you considered the homeless man, beggars, those stuck with hospital bills, and tax money...that man!!! is money the root of his problems or his problems the lack of it? Don't confuse me to be naive and believe that my life would be better because I can now afford a pair of jeans with levi sticks in its back pocket .Nah..neither should human need be confused with greed.

People go to war over oil cos they want more, people kill the love because they feel its not enough, anything...people do things for anything but money is innocent in all of these. My verdict is that you can only judge the money if the way it was earned or used is dishonest. You know the preachers tells us we didn't need to be rich and money shouldn't be our trouble but as he steps down from his pulpit he adjusts the rolex on his wrist and steps into his bmw.# hu- huh#

Money is the medium by which earthly success is measures or success is measured by how many people you bless.Money can' t buy you love but don't you love those around you that you want to cater for their needs. Am not advocating love and money because only a fool will love an object to the original person.

Bottomline is learn to make it work for you cos at the end of the day even Micheal went broke. Like I said its only my view and I will tell you the other side when I get rich.

P.s just so you know....poverty has no advantage.. except you wanna tell me.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Ripples

We are born, we live, we die, sometimes not necessarily in that order. We put things to rest to have them rise again. So if death is not the end, what can you count on anymore? Because you sure can't count on anything in life. Life is the most fragile, unstable, unpredictable thing there is. Infact there's only one thing in life we can be sure of- our choice.

Every choice we make brings us further to the health, relationship and life we want.Every choice we make gives us a new opportunity to learn, grow and evolve or stay stagnant, small and stuck. Every choice we make opens the door to a new way of thinking, acting and behaving or pulls us further into an old belief system,pattern or way of living that no longer serves us. We either choose to stay behind or move forward. We make hundreds of choices, either what to eat, wear,how to relate to those around us, care for our body, nurture ourselves and so much more.

For most of us, many of these choices are habitual we fail to recognize them anymore thus we don't even know we make them. We enter the world alone, we leave it alone, and whatever happens in between we owe it to ourselves to find a little company. We need help, we need support. Otherwise, we are in it all by ourselves.Strangers cut off from each other and we forget just how connected we are. So instead we choose love, we choose life.

Choices; they are like RIPPLES.

Friday, October 25, 2013

Silly Breaks 2

Exams are society's method of telling you what you're worth but you can't let society tell you what you are. It' s thesame society that tells you abortion is wrong but then  looks down on teenage parents, with pastors that preach charity but owns private jets, a mosque that preach against greed but fight, government that preach peace but endorse wars, that say they believe so much in the importance of higher education and favour learning but increase tuition fees and allows students go on strike

Test us with TESTS but the FINALS are never final cos they never prepare us for the biggest test which is survival. And though my opinion might be unorthodox, I do not expect everyone to agree with my viewpoint except for the kid who knows what it feels like to be worth no more than that 'A' or 'D' that you get on results day and those ones whose best stories were not good enough for that essay competition/teachers/ lecturers cos apparently you missed out key writing techniques, did not follow the clause plan and the language was too informal for him to understand. But then he reference Hamlet or Macbeth and you fight the urge to express your contempt by partially clenching your fist with only your thumb protruding in the middle of your hand and wonder if he's aware that shakespeare is known as the innovator of slangs. This is to the kid at the back of the class who feels why must I study something that doesn't fuel my desire but when confronted with a maths problem his eyes come alive.

So this one is for my generation, the ones who found what their were looking for on google, followed their dreams on twitter, accept their destinies on facebook, failures and drop- outs, unemployed graduates,shop assistants, cashiers,cleaners, my self employed entrepreneurs,world changers and dream chasers cos the purpose of why I hate school but love education is to let you know that whether 72 or 80,44 or 68. We will not let exam results decide our fate.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Silly Breaks

Somewhere in the world there is a kid finishing parents evening in the heat of discussion with his mother saying why does he have to study subjects he will never ever use in his life and she will look at him blank- faced think for a while and then lie " you know to get a good job, you need a good degree and these subjects will help you; we never had this opportunity when I was younger" and he would reply " but you were young a long time ago!!! weren't you mom? Although she knows what he implies made sense that society's needs would have changed since she was sixteen. But she would ignore him, rip his hand more sternly and drag him to the car. What she doesn't know is she didn't ignore him just to shut him up, nor because there were just returning from parents evening and an argument in the hallway wouldn't look good on her resume, neither because she just spent the past hour convincing a stone-faced teacher that she would ensure her child studies more at home.

No, she would lie simply because she doesn't know any better herself. Although, her whole adult life she has never used or applied pythagoras theorem, and still does not know the value of 'x'. She would rely on society to tell her that her child who has one of the sharpest minds in school is hyperactive, unfocused, easily distracted and wayward.

Students!!! How many times did you remember something five minutes to the end of exam only to receive your result one month later and realize that you were one mark off the top grade, does that mean that remembering five minutes earlier would have made you more qualified for a particular job? We all have different abilities,thought processes, experience and genes. So why is a class full of these individuals tested by the same means?
controversial huh? tomorrow we continue ..drop your comments.

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Catching the Bouquet

You know what they say about catching the bouquet?  You will be the next to say " I do". Kate caught the bouquet when we went for a wedding and that was the beginning of never ending wedding plans that her friends including me had to put up with.

Her wedding dress must be from Vera Wang, the ring has to be diamond bearing her birthstone, he must be incurably romantic, go after her with they right trappings in place, extremely financially stable and bla bla bla. Sometimes we wondered where she got all the criterias. She was determined to walk the aisle before any of us and she did but not with a Vera Wang's dress.

She met this charmer at the mall. Yes he was handsome,generous with gifts and cash, drives a posh car, maybe comfortable and very good with words. My friend didn't get married till she had her second child and alas the Mr perfect already had three baby mamas.  She was the lucky one to wear the ring ( certainly not diamond).

My friends and I had screamed BETRAYAL!!! men are liars but what if my friend wasn't so cut up with the illusion of a perfect wedding and man,what if she was patient and wasn't focused on the money and romance. For me, I think real life begins were romance novel ends.

Patience is indeed a virtue.

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Love Me Jeje,Love Me Tender

No longer ease!!! Asuu which way? Albeit, the strike continues and  am having fun with social networks which, by the way l'm addicted to.

While shopping within the week l  kinda ducked into the ladies in a bid to avoid someone; unfortunately I eavesdropped into another cupcake's conversation. She was asking her friend what should be the ideal gift from her finance to her on the big day and I impulsively blurted 2013 Rolls- Royce Ghost by Vorsteiner#gasps#.
The ladies demanded to know why*oops * so I said

1. I will so love his mum she will know JESUS is real. I will visit her once a week whether she leaves near or far, if she ask me to go a yard I will take a mile,if she asks me to jump I will ask how far,she will be my Godmother,role model and prayer partner.

2. Because I am princess# cos my father is the king of kings#; you see  I'm meant to ride a carriage and walk on red carpet with my entourage but am willing to give all these away just for a little price - the car.

3. He is my Tomato - Jos... You see very soon am gonna be doing the wifey job and since dere's no specific salary for that job. I decided to use this as a start up capital for the job.

4. Finally because he loves JESUS; Yes he that giveth to the poor lendeth to the lord, and God loves a cheerful giver. So when I get my Rolls- Royce, the lord God will reward him a thousand fold.
After giving these reasons to the ladies I fled...just as I'm doing now....xoxo

Signed

Gaby

Monday, October 7, 2013

Six Questions For The Constantly Broke.

If you find yourself nervously checking your balance before payday, then perhaps its time to make some changes. Before you do, ask yourself the following questions.

1. Do I know where my money is going?
   Most of us don't bother tracking how we're spending money. Sometimes we don't realize our grocery expenses or utility bills have suddenly  skyrocketed. Using an online personal financial management tool to automatically track  your spending - www.Mint.com and www.wesabe.com. allows you to figure out where money is going with minimal effort.

2. Am I focusing too much on the month, instead of the year?
  Research suggests that people often fall victim to forgetfulness when budgeting bypass the month. They tend to overlook unexpected and one- time expenses such as car repairs or gifts. But when people budget by the year,they tend to factor in those costs.

3.Do I do something everyday that wastes money?
It might be a cab ride, lunches, or a six pack of beer.These type of small, daily expenditures add up, and by the end of the month, you could be out $100 or more.

4. Do I know my weakness?
Almost everyone has one. It might be recharge cards, fancy jeans ,or nice dinners. Perhaps it's simply buying more than you need when your are out running errands. Take a ' loyal friend with you on shopping trips to remind you not to overspend or carry a stop watch with you on shopping trips.

5. Am I saving too much?
This might sound counter- intuitive. But if you are going into debt to fund your lifestyle and you've already cut back wherever possible, then it's time to look at how much money you are funneling into your 401k.

6. Is my relationship hurting my bank account?
    Even if you' re on top of your finances, your bank account won't reflect it unless your significant other is also on board. If you share credit, in the form of credit cards, auto loans or rents, then your late payment from your partner can also ding into your own credit report. Marriage can intertwine your financial lives even further. Before tying the knot, be sure to review each other's credit histories, talk about whether you prefer joint or seperate accounts, and make sure you are familiar with each other's long term financial goals.

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Shaving Tips For Men

1.Wash With Soap Before Shaving.
  Wash with bathing soap before shaving-this will open pores for a closer shave and it will remove impurities that can cause clogging or infection.

2. Use a Sharp Blade
  Discard shaving blades after two or three uses.And don't put too much pressure on the blade while shaving( use gentle strokes).

3. Use a Face Scrub
  A gentle scrubbing massage will help you will help open pores, prime follicles and raise stubs for a closer shave.This exfoliation removes dead cells and impurities that can cause acne,ingrown hairs and infection. It will also smooth and renew your complexion.

4. Avoid Irritants
   They can damage your skin and create microscopic swelling. So,stay away from alcohol or strong plant extracts such as menthol, peppermint or citrus.

Saturday, October 5, 2013

Crazy Love

TED talks are my favorite anyday. Few days ago I listened to Leslie Morgan recounts her experience of domestic abuse plus october is domestic violence awareness month. When you encounter victims of domestic violence you can't help but ask why she choose to stay? At what point should you let go of an abusive relationship?

Domestic violence happens to everyone irrespective of the race, income, religion or social status. Domestic violence happens only in intimate, interdependent, long term relationship. In other words in the family;the last place we would expect violence,which is one reason it is very confusing. According to statistics 15 million children are abused every year, 85% of abusers are men and women between the ages of 16-24 are three times more likely to be domestic violence victims than women of other ages and over 500 of these women are killed every year by abusive partners.         

Why do women stay in relationships that are emotionally draining?  How come some don't even know there are abused? When love is involved the distinction becomes somewhat blurry...it becomes very easy to have faith ...but what if letting go is all the deliverance you need?Domestic violence has its pattern which includes;

1.Seduce and Charm the Victim.
   This can be done by creating the illusion that she's the dominant partner in the relationship ,idolizing her, creating a magical atmosphere of trust even if it means revealing his deepest secret.

2. Isolate the Victim
    You move to another apartment, he tells you to keep away from friends, dictate your movements, prevents you from going to work,  and in extreme cases might even cut you off completely from family.

3. Introduce the threat of violence and see how she reacts.
Leslie Morgan's husband had three guns. He kept one in the glove compartment of the car, another in his pocket, and the other under the pillow. Scary huh? Amazingly, she never knew she was abused. She thought she was a strong woman married to a deeply troubled man, hence was the only one that could help him face his demons#SMH#.

The truth is it is incredibly dangerous to leave an abuser because the final step in domestic violence battering 'is kill her. Over 70% of domestic violence murders happen after the victim has ended the relationship because then the  abuser has nothing left to lose. Other possible outcomes include long term stalking even after the abuser remarries, denial of financial resources and manipulation of the family court system to terrify the victim. 

Now what do you do when abused? Break the silence. Abuse thrives only in silence, shine a spotlight on it.Tell everyone, the police, friends, neighbors, and family. Seek help,keep a journal of events, build a support system ( get a therapist) ,realize that you deserve healthy, happy relationship,and lastly empower yourself with new skills,knowledge and creativity. Do not give up control over things you can do for yourself. Abuse could be affecting your daughter, sister, your best friend right now and you might call it CRAZY LOVE!!!

Friday, October 4, 2013

The fourth Idiot





 All is well… All is well…All is well is a popular slang from a Bollywood movie’ 3 idiots’. if you have  seen the movie you would discover one of the actors committed suicide*picture above plus exactly why I titled the caption ‘the fourth idiot’*. It was Sylvia Plath that said ‘ I love my rejection slips, they show me I try’
Take a stroll round the walls of history and study the patriachs of time, and you will find mistakes, regrets and joys. Life is full of hiccups, you need a strong spirit to overcome. You might never get a trophy for fulfilling your dreams but you would have succeeded in fulfilling purpose. People love to quote how many times Harry Potter was rejected, Edison failed, how many times the Beatles were jumped over, how many times Micheal  Jordan didn’t make his high school basketball team et al. These stories give us hope that we can achieve greatness despite several set-backs. The key ingredient is a ‘P’ word. Persistence, no not Pizza. When your song becomes the first on the top ten list, and your book becomes no 1 best seller or you appear on Forbes list as the most influential or powerful person on Earth, they don’t remember the countless night of endless rehearsals, the albums you remixed, the studio heat, the stage fright, the fears, the endless hours of waiting, the times you edited your work severally. No, that’s not an overnight success.
It’s a commonly stated rule of the thumb that it takes ’10,000 hours to master a skill’ if that doesn’t require persistence*shrugs* I don’t know what else does. In a world that is afforded seemingly less time to accomplish more tasks there remains one constant; we still have the same amount of time.
Persistence is not unique to anyone, it is a quality that can be learned. Today, our thoughts compete with the thoughts of many. Each day our thoughts are stolen from us, our attention stolen by messages from loved ones, advertising, phone calls, emergency and so much more. This makes it difficult to persist in anything when a lot that are part of the rich soup of life demands for attention with so much urgency it becomes annoying. In life shortcuts are very appealing. Yet throughout time persistence has proved very undisputed in achieving success. Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of uneducated derelicts. The slogan press on is still of great relevance.

So, It’s happened several times, you get a job, an appointment, a project etc. Then you start out with plenty enthusiasm. In a rush of energy, we believe we can conquer the world. However, as the everyday grind of working on our dream sets in, we find the ice-cream soda starting to lose its frizz, the ball its bounce and the perfume its fragrance, long hours at the laptop sometimes, having to give up social outings but you’ve got to push harder cos sometimes in life you don’t need a rainmaker* you fill in that positon*. The ‘P’ word!!! means never say never.  Yes, in life you might just have to be your rainmaker. Cheerio

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Fatherhood;an wholesome duty

In the movie "courageous "four fathers protect and serve their community with great confidence and focus but when faced at the end of the day with their biggest challenge " fatherhood " they turned yellow.

There is an epidemic going on in society, and it can be summed up in one word - fatherlessness. So many boys grow up to be men who lack an understanding of what it really means to be a man because they were never shown how. Children need their fathers and when men neglect their role as caretakers, leaders, providers and co-labourers with the mothers of their children, it causes a serious deficiency in a child's development. Fathers are the foundation of the family itself and essential for generational continuity.  Without them, the family structure suffers resulting in a variety of problems.

Fatherlessness impacts how societies operate. Children who grew up without their fathers or a significant male figure often end up seeking fatherly approval in their relationships. For boys who grew up with an absent father, the impact can greatly affect the path they choose in life. Facts and impacts of children who have no father figure in their life have been given as:
1. Children who were being raised without fathers have 5 times probability of being poor.
2. Babies mortality rate who were born by an unmarried mother is 1.8 times higher than the married mother.
3. Teens raised without fathers has bigger probability to be involved in crime.
4. Teenagers raised by mothers have higher risk to involve in pre- marital sex.
5. Living with a single parent has doubled the risk of children to suffer from physical and emotional under development rather than those who live with both parents.

Fatherhood is not a choice for man; it is inherent.A man carries the seed from which all life comes, and whether he has a child or not he will always have the built- in- need to father someone. The only way you can effectively destroy a building is by wrecking its foundation, and the foundation of mankind is the male- man
So if the foundation is faulty, the rest of the house will come tumbling down.

It was Charles Wadsworth that said "by the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he is wrong.

Finally the best example you can get as a father is from God. Have a splendid day y'all

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

A Hole in the Sidewalk

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk .
I fall in.
I am lost ...I am helpless

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place
But, isn't my fault
It still takes a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in. It's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault. I get out immediately

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

I walk down another street.

Extracted from The 7 habits of highly effective teens by sean covey.

How Soon is Soon?

The bad news is time flies, the good news is you are the pilot. The world is a battlefield, whether you agree or not. And,that is more than just a cliche:fighter jets, submarines, missiles, culture, religion, politics.

Everyday you wake up to the gentle breeze, rustling of leaves, chirping of birds and hoots from cranky automobiles in the far distance. Nature's fragrance is so soothing and its light a pleasant beauty to behold.
They say, that every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the fastest lion or it will be killed. Every morning a lion wakes up. It knows it must outrun the slowest gazelle or it will starve to death.  It doesn't matter which of them you are; when the sun is up,you'd better be running.

At risk is he who yawns, bites a morsel, downs a gourd of palmwine,but yields to slumber again. Just as the day breaks even if he commands a bunch of slaves. Hunger, penury and shame soon come knocking hard to recover the looted time and resources. Time is precious.

The ticking clock waits for no one,not the man who fails to plan his way,not the man who refuses to toil while it is yet daytime. At dusk you dust your feet and number your fleet. Yet, there is a man who toils all day, but gathers no commensurate increase. Time and chance happens, and the race does not always belong to the swift.

On a day when you wake up at dusk, let regret and biting off the lips. Pick up your tools and redeem the moment left. May you in your remorse find wisdom soon enough.
Accept a thought that limits your growth and it becomes a reality.

The bad news is time flies, the good news is you can still take charge of whatever's left. Renew your hope and become the navigator of your own time. Tell it to him who slumbers ; you can still wake up, though it is just before dusk.

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

The Burden Of Freedom

There is no greater burden than freedom, no heavier load than liberty. Over six billion people call our fragile earth home ,and nearly everyone would claim they are free without any working definition of the concept. Many nations who were forged in the fires of oppression and emerged from the dust of colonialism and slavery are still struggling, after many years of independence, to find the trophy of true freedom. At the threshold of a bloody civil war,Abraham Lincoln complained that he knew no good definition of freedom; the situation is no different in our day.

Nigeria owes me nothing but when l think about the time before independence one thing comes to mind; When people are oppressed, they develop a spirit of irresponsibility and hatred for work and people who hate work can't handle time. They become irritated and depressed when they have time on their hands, because time demands the responsibility of deciding how to spend it. They love it when people drive them and tell them what to do,because they have the spirit of the slave. And because nothing a slave does is for his own good, people who have been oppressed for years have difficulty with productivity. Most Third World Nations are suffering from this today.

Nigeria may have been delivered from the hands of the colonial masters but she is not free. Deliverance is physical liberation from physical restrictions, it is the removal of the oppressed from the environment of the oppressor,it is the separation of the slave from the physical conditions of slavery,  it is not freedom.

We must learn that freedom is not the absence of law, work or labor, but the embracing of responsibility. We must be awakened to the reality that true freedom  imposes more laws, demands more self control, more work and discipline than slavery. ln slavery you do not manage-you are managed. Freedom on the other hand is a responsibility of stewardship.
Freedom must not be confused with independence. The great King Solomon says" Woe to you,O land whose King was a servant " the implication is that when a formerly oppressed person is suddenly given power and authority, the prospects for good leadership are dim.Many nations are suffering from this principle which denotes that wearing a crown does not change your mind. A delivered body does not guarantee a free mind. The only road to true freedom is self-discovery in God the creator.

Free at last ...Free at last...Thank God Almighty, I'm free at last!. These powerful words of America's great civil rights deliverer,Martin Luther King, jr stunned the world in the 1960's. Dr king, like Nelson Mandela,Gandhi et al.  These men as great as their efforts proved were only their follower's deliverers, because freedom is a matter of the mind. The big question is are you really free?

Today as we mark our nations birthday, take out time and pray for HER. HAPPY INDEPENDENCE!!!