Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Think Thanks

Gratitude is the sign of noble souls. A lack of gratitude is often at the root of a variety of the ills that plaque relationships.When couples never show appreciation for one another, the embers of their love are soon extinguished. When a boss is unthankful,the employees start to resent both him and their job. On the flip side, nothing can buoy up our relationships quite like gratitude. A warm word of appreciation can instantly thaw the ice between people.

We often assume that people either get thanks from other people or that they just somehow know how grateful we are for what they do. We are usually wrong on both counts. Gratitude shows we're paying attention to the acts of service people perform for us and that we truly understand how those acts make our life better, easier and happier.

The grateful man is a humble man. He has no illusions, he knows that bad things happen to good people.  He knows how easily a rally can turn into a slump. He knows how much worse off many others are than he is. He understands the sacrifice others make on his behalf. And deeply appreciates them.

How often do we thank our wives for taking care of those little errands we forgot to do? When was the last time we thanked our co-workers for helping us get a project ready? Think about people you should have thanked but missed your chance with or those you really  didn't thank enough.

These thank you can be done in person, on a post-it note, by letter, by email,by phone,whatever. Just put some into it and get going.

See you in 2014

twitter handle ;@dahliadona

Monday, December 30, 2013

Chopping Life

This is one of the most ridiculous, yet aptly but still somehow inappropriately used phases in the general lexicon of Nigerian colloquialisms.(winks)

Allow me to introduce my self. My name is Kayode Ogunwo. l am a lagosian,likes football,going to the cinema,likes to blow grammar and recently being accused of chopping life. So apparently I can add life chopper to the list.

"Chopping life"is a term used by one in a less privileged or at least more difficult condition in reference to someone who is in a better condition. And this is an instance where it is correctly used,in my opinion. Lagos,as we all know, is a city in which the "have-nots" are always in envy of the "haves"(as with any city)  and where the haves make sure to really rub it in the face of those who are left wanting. Lagos is also a city where those who have are still looking thirstily,or doing long- throat at those who have pass them. So for example yesterday I was at the palms and I saw one neat ferrari like this, the thing was looking correct.  I of course, being at least a 100 light years away from owning a ferrari had to stop and 'act bush' and snap picture and why not? The car dey sweet, although personally I wouldn't drive it in lagos.

Even though I classify myself as the have doing long throat for another have but for those of us who identify as christians we know we are not meant to covet another's property but at least we can whistle in admiration and then snap the occasional picture. So lets talk about when the term chopping life is used incorrectly.

Three days ago I posted a picture online of a nice plate of a suya I was about to enjoy with a friend, admittedly the thing looked so succulent plus the fact that the phone camera I used in snapping had a very powerful resolution. So this my friend was drooling and used the chopping life cliche. This was correct at that time cos I had suya and my friend didn't. But it is incorrect because this friend of mine is in the good old US of A. Yes oh,my friend da yankee, and so now I ask you all an important kesshun: between the two of us, who is really chopping life?!

My friend lives in America where there is constant light, convenience shops everywhere,and emergency numbers that don't rely on having signal or network. Over here we all know it is drastically different . Even for those of us who have gone to the abroad and back, we know that despite the 'phoneh' we were blasting at London Heathrow just hours before, we are coming back to enter the same trouser. So I ask again, which of us is chopping life?

If my enjoyment of suya is paining you so much, ehn go and find meat and put it on your grill and go and cut tomato and onion join the matter. At least you will be enjoying it with your mechanical cool breeze and fresh lemonade and your 600 channels on satellite television. At least you know that when your electricity bill comes and it says $60 for the month, you know that you can relax because boys here are paying the equivalent of $400 monthly for diesel. What I am saying,even on top that $60 you will still find mouth to complain that your bills are too high. My friend take time oh, before I go and apply for visa, wait 3 months for appointment and then come and give you slap.

Happy holidays everyone.

Tags; ogunwo olukayode,Life,favourmoyse

twitter handle @dahliadona

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

My Experience With Weed

I just couldn't stop laughing I had to share this story with you. Had a memory lane talk with one of my friends and he shared this experience with me.Enjoy

I had just moved out of my parents house and was sharing a room with my" friend''. I had no idea he smoked weed,despite his suspicious movements and signature weed scent(abi na odour?). Barely two weeks after moving in with him,my worst fears were confirmed as he started bringing home his weed smoking buddies and they would occasionally roll a wrap with beans or spaghetti.

Being a curious person I always wondered what made them happy after smoking, so I decided to find out for myself (wrong move) . lt was a very hot day in february, a saturday I think it was,my friend was out as usual. I searched everywhere for his stash but couldn't find it ,so I decided to go and get mine.I arrived the weed joint all sweaty and nervous, half expecting to get mugged but nobody seemed to be aware of my presence there, they were all on different planet expect one whom I concluded must be the seller so I approached him and the following conversation ensued.
Me: how far?
Weed seller: I dey
Me: I wan buy weed
Weed seller : how many parcel
Me: parcel ke? lro oo,na just small I need
Weed seller : (laughs really hard) .bolo leleyi sha(meaning this guy is a dunce o)

Apparently,a parcel of weed is that small wrap,I didn't know that.  I thought it was something very large.  I gave him 1000 naira and in return gave me a tiny wrap of weed with white paper, I was surprised when he gave me 950 as change.  I couldn't believe weed was that cheap.

On my way home,I decided not to smoke it but mix it with beans because I thought it will be better that way ( another wrong move).

Long story short, I cooked beans and added the whole weed, ate it and called my friend, I told him "ogbeni, I just ate weed oo and nothing happened to me this one that you people will eatand be feeling funky, I don chop am oo". My friend was like," ehen you be strong man oo". l decided to take a quick nap before doing laundry, I woke up about 20 minutes later on the floor, I was banging my head on the floor, and I couldn't stop, my heart beat was so audible and
fast, everything was extra bright and extra loud. After a few minutes of head banging, I was able to get up from the floor, I felt as if I had just gained access to a part of my mind that I never knew existed previously.

lt was scary and cool at the same time. I could feel the blood flowing in my veins (you have to experience it to believe it. Though I strongly advise against it). I felt so uncomfortable in the room, it felt like I was in an oven. Suddenly, a voice in my head wisphered "ogbeni bo aso e joor" (off your clothes), I obeyed. The voice came again "oya sa re" (now run).

That was when I realized that the weed had taken effect, so I decided to take a shower to see if it will calm me down, but the water felt so hot on my skin so hot I ran out of the bathroom. I called my friend to see if he could help me make sense of what was going on but he laughed at me, he asked me the quantity of weed I took and I told him I used a whole he said "guyyyyy you don eff up! If you no sleep in the next 30mins, you go mad oo. Go chemist make you go explain yourself". By this time things had escalated, I had a severe itch at the back of my head that wouldn't go away no matter how hard I scratched and I was
convinced that the beating in my chest was an evil spirit that could only be killed with a punch.

I ran to my neighbor - Champion and told him," Champion e jo e fun mi lese laya(champion pls
punch me in the chest). ti e ba gbami lese laya mo ma ku oo (if you don't punch me I will die"
oo). He hissed and walked out having had enough of such nonsense from the boys in the
boys quarters.

The voice in my head came again - "iwo na o de gba ara e lese laya abi o ti fe ku ni" (why don't
you punch yourself in the chest or do you want to die?) I punched and punched but there wasno difference. The house was getting hotter, the voice in my head was getting louder, the itch in my head
was getting worse, and the evil spirit in my chest was getting louder. Then came the voice again -" oya ma sare lo" (start
running). So I started running but on getting outside in the sun, I felt so cold I was shivering but that didn't stop me from running (I would have given Usain Bolt a run for his money on that day). On getting to the chemist, i realized I was bare footed, I told him I had a severe headache I needed something to make me sleep
immediately. He gave me the drug and I chewed it right there in his presence. Next I asked him to give me a drug for evil spirit, that was when he realized something was wrong with me and chased me out.
I got back home and tried to sleep but my heart beat wouldn't let me, so I ran back out this time around to a nurse in the area, first thing she asked was -" kilode o wo bata ni"? (why don't you have your shoes on?)I told her "Jackie Chan ti gba bata lowo mi" (Jackie Chan collected my shoes). I was finally able to explain my situation to her and she took me in, tied something around my elbow and injected me directly in the vein. l passed out immediately only to wake around 1 or 2 am in the middle of the night with the worst kind of hunger I have ever felt in my life. I ate a whole loaf of butter field bread in one sitting without butter or tea.
I came home to a hero's welcome, my friend told me "e be like say your head no carry am but e go
better make you try am once more so you go dey use to it".
The following day while the house was empty, I packed my Ghana must go and like the prodigal son in the bible I went back home to my parents. lt's been a few years since that experience but the lesson I learnt is an unforgettable one. My curiosity hasn't gotten me in trouble again and my circle of friends have since changed.
                             Kayode.

Tags; kayode,favourmoyse, kehinde

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Beautiful Doom

l want a hen(s) party with shameless debauchery(really wanna break the rules for once),I don't want my man to propose with a ring inside the ice cream or in the presence of friends and family. I hate surprises but would love one with a great stunt.So i'd prefer a proposal in the elevator,on a post it note or with candle light dinner. Yes,scented candles. It doesn't have to be ''will you marry me or be my wife '' cliche;something really unique.
When I was sixteen I wanted a man that was spiritually intoxicated, incurably romantic, come after me with the right trappings in place, financially free et al. He would be the knight in shinning armour even though I was no damsel in distress.

Few years later I have come to realize that while there is such thing as a perfect wedding,a perfect partner is a no no. Our culture is saturated with the notion that there's one perfect partner out there for everybody and to settle for anything less than perfection is to deny oneself a chance at true happiness, which is surely waiting in the wings.From the time we start dating, most of us set pictures of an idealized partner and certain criterias and we believe that once we find them, we would live happily ever after. Hence, we view relationship as something that happens to us rather than what we create by working hard on them. It assumes that once we find our intended they complete us like the missing piece of a puzzle and from then on life should be easy and effortless.

The myth of soulmate is about relationship that is blue sky forever. Always sunny and that sun pours down on us,brightens us up, lift us. In a real world relationship challenges come. The sky occassionally clouds. 

Do it yourself Christianity

I've been really into cookery books for some months now and sincerely the first two or three attempt of trying out a new recipe may not always come out well; sometimes there's too much or less of one ingredient. The first time I made pineapple juice using a do- it- yourself manual I had to consult the dictionary to check the meaning of chunky cos the manual said something like that. But with subsequent tries I became very good at it and even explored other options.

While trying to strengthen my culinary skills I've also observed a church close to my mom's shop that holds her wednesday prayers every morning. Each wednesday her members brings different items to church. It's either soap,water, handkerchief, pictures, or salt. I wasn't surprised when my mom was invited to their ' Saturday night of terror ' a monthly vigil and she was asked to come with a certain number of canes representing the number of kids she has.

Funny huh? Even though most spiritual churches are largely attended by women ( God bless mothers),I still don't subscribe to the 'items of transmission policy'. Life isn't that difficult, its simple.Do-it-yourself.  Pray,study, meditate et al. use your bible. lt is written in simple english even in your local language. Just as I have to keep trying my recipe till I got a perfect meal.You need patience and lots of faith with the bible. So if God doesn't answer you soon enough that doesn't mean you should do damage control. Your life is a gift, you have a will and choice. Do yourself a favor by choosing right.

Finally sha, na every mallam with him kettle.

Signed

June